I want to have Quentin Tarantino’s Babies (Non plot related spoilers)

I don’t know how to put this in a way that will sound sane and coherent so I won’t. GO WATCH INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS NOW. It is by far the most awesome Quentin Tarantino film ever made. Neo Nazi’s shit their pants when they watch that movie from the fear it induces…I personally Jizzed my pants…three times during that movie. I think Tarantino has somehow managed to break the speed of awesome, basically his movie is so awesome you can feel the awesomeness before you watch it. I MEAN FFS there is a scene with a chick eating STRUDEL AND HE FUCKING DOES A CLOSEUP OF THE STRUDEL

HOW

FUCKING

AWESOME

IS

THAT

SHIT

Yes you heard me, there is a closeup of STRUDEL in this movie, I mean who does shit like that. That’s how fucking awesome he is that he can make a closeup of pudding be fucking legendary. Just thinking about has made me jizz myself again.

THEN OH MY FUCK. I WANT TO MAKE SWEET LOVE TO LIEUTENANT ALDO REINE, THAT MAN IS FUCKING BRUTAL. I swear, he knows how to fucking deal with NAZI’s HE JSUT FUCKING SCALPS THEM then leaves their corpses strewn about the french country side for other nazi’s to find. HOW FUCKING BRUTAL IS THAT??????? Then on the rare occasion he lets a Nazi go he carves a fucking SWATSIKA into their forehead so they never forget what they once were. that SHIT IS BRUTAL. ONLY A MAN THAT FUCKING BRUTAL would take a squadron of jewish men deep into Nazi controlled france just to go on a killing spree…with the sole intent of fucking with the german morale.

SO TAKE THIS AS A FUCKING INSTRUCTION. GO WATCH INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS NOW!!!!!!

OMW Another 500 words of Nothing

Nothing, nothing whatsoever is here except random dribble about my day, Things that are going to happen in the future and other menial things that will no doubt bore you. So I suggest you just leave now and don’t bother reading the rest because it’s not interesting. I mean who wants to read what an 18 year old with an ego the size of Jupiter has to say. No one sane I’ll tell you…so basically if you’re still reading they might aswell cart you off to the mad house right now.

Swimming in Poetry

Well after intense discussion I have finally got myself my first additional contributor to the blog…sort off. Cat or as most of you know her KittenNooblet has a Da account where she posts her poetry. Every Few days I shall scour her profile and pick the poetry which I deem safe and post the links here. I expect all of you to read it because firstly she is one of the best the only poet I know, aswell as being extremely talented..to the point that she has gotten a piece of her work published already.

I’m lazy….so I need someone else to make me look productive

Hi there my loyal maggots, I’ve been absent these past few days despite having a new post window open for close to all the time. It would seem that the thought of my impending Maths exam has stricken me with a kind of writers block. So I thought that this would be a good time to reach out to my readers and ask you for something.

I had been contemplating asking people if they would want to write for my blog for a while now and I think this dry streak has finally given me the push to go ahead with that Idea. If you want to write random shit but aren’t inclined to manage your own blog then come to me, there are a few of your saddened little souls that I intend to ask personally if you would be willing to slave away endlessly to keep this little black stain on the internet with new content and you will be getting personal messages from me soon. IF you don’t get a message then chances are I either think your writing is crap, not suitable to my blog or I have no Idea you even write. So feel free to ask me unless I specifically come up to you and say…”look, I know you like writing but I have seen cow dung with better grammar than the stuff you write.”

Also people come on, there are like 20 of you who read my blog and it’s not growing. I need hundreds of thousands of readers so I can spread my worldwide agenda. How am I supposed to take over the world if I have 10 university students, 5 highschool students and 5 people who live in their basement reading my blog. So spread the word of the lair…especially those of you who go to Stellenbosch, anyone you manage to convince to read my blog will probably be so stoned they might actually be tricked into thinking my writing is the godlike achievement I make it out to be.

So I thank you in advance for the requests which I know I won’t get because I need to shower. So I leave you with an image of me soaping up my hairy ass.

EvilBelgian
OUT

I think it should be called Professional Bummism

I have discovered this interesting thing on facebook, actually about a month back already but it only occured to me to blog about it today. I firstly have to thank my mom for this because following this guy has been rather fun and as soon as I can find a way to participate better in his little experiment I intend to do so but for now blogging about him shall have to suffice.

I Have Discovered the Joy of Editing Wikipedia articles

have you ever discovered something accidently and then realised that this discovery was going to change the way you spend a lot of your time. Well that’s what happened today when a certain friend advertised a certain comical Wikipedia edit that he had made here this prompted me to first edit his horrible grammar and add a snide remark of my own. He promptly removed my snide remark and reprimanded me but this did not bother me as I started to troll Wikipedia at that moment.

Do you hate studying…because I hate studying

Guess what I am doing at the moment, come on it’s not that difficult. Oh come on guess. It’s in the title for Pete’s sake. Fine then if you aren’t going to guess then I have to tell you. I am studying, Otherwise known as the most boring activity this side of the Galaxy unless there exists a planet on our side of the galaxy where a commonly engaged activity is to repeat the word boredom to oneself for 8 hours straight.

You Fokken Creatures

Last Night I decided I would go watch District 9 seeing as I had nothing else to do. Now I had heard good things about the movie and seen that Peter Jackson produced it so this movie had quite a bit of hype to live up to. So as I sat in the movie house explaining to my mother why somebody should be excited to watch anything produced by Peter Jackson I started hoping it did live up to the hype.

Moving around the furniture

Well I settled on a new theme and this one doesn’t have a header Image. Well that makes life simpler and slightly less bandwidth intensive for the cheap bastards that reside amongst my readers. So what do you think…too green. I’m thinking that if I can wrap my mind around the CSS of changing that. If you want to help me do this then don’t hesitate to offer. I mean it wouldn’t kill you to be helpful for once.

So yes new theme. Comment here to tell me what you think. I personally like how it’s much cleaner than the old one and less likely to turn you into an emo cry baby, which I really need considering the bummer of a story I have planned for next week. Here is a hint, it’s about a kid writing exams. apply the general formula of my previous depro stories and you get the general idea.

Is there anything else I wanted to say……oh yes, I am currently talking with a gentleman by the name of Ultima regarding a certain 12 kicks he will be dishing out to a certain Golradir and how I may have exclusive video content of the kicks on my blog. I say this with confidence that our golradir friend cannot run fast enough to get away from his punishment. So watch this spot because you may soon be cringing in mutual pain while watching a very horrifying video.

I think they want me dead….and romance is in the air

Good afternoon maggots, well it seems I learnt an important lesson today, a very important lesson. So where should I start the story that climaxes in this lesson, probably the beginning. So here it is.

Once upon a time……

I’m just kidding, I’m just kidding. This is how it really starts. You see I decided not 20 minutes ago that it would be a good Idea to take my dogs for a walk. To be more specific all three of my dogs. For those of you who have not become aqquainted with my babies let me introduce them to you. Firstly there is toffee, a 6 year old miniture daschund who thinks he is a 3 year old great dane. Then ofcourse there is Lulu second youngest and the biggest recluse she tends to remain quiet unless barked at which is very often if you’re a territorial Sharpei. Then there is the last member of the trifecta, youngest and most exuberant of the lot is my Labrador who goes by the name of Pavlov. Alone these dogs are pleasant to walk, even toffee if you give him the slack he wants on his leash. But I quickly discovered that this is not the matter when you attach the three of them to one person.

The walk started out with me having to disentangle the three dogs from each other…because in the process of opening the garage door they decided to run around each other. This meant that Pavlov was tied up and incapable to move and the same with lulu, all the while toffee looked at them curious from the safety of his extendable leash which on closer inspection turned out to be the culprit in this affair. So 30 seconds later the dogs were loose and promptly attempted to dislocate my shoulder BUT to no avail and I started to walk down the street.

The walk went okay for a short while until that is the lock on Toffee’s leash slipped for a brief second and he gained a metre and a half of slack. Now I had to somehow regain the slack on his leash without dropping the other dog’s leashes. This proved to be impossible as I dropped lulu’s leash. She trotted on unaware of the situation, that is until I called out to her to come back. It is at this point that she looked back nervously and increased her pace, so I pulled a dangerous maneouvre and took one giant step onto her leash which prompted her to yelp in shock and I picked it up.

But this was not the end of my woes because it was at this moment that I spied in the distance the most dangerous thing to the urban dogwalker…a teenage girl. This would not have bothered me much had she been attractive because dogs tend to provide a good conversation opener but alas this was not the case and ontop of this pavlov had just seen this human which he could ambush with a jump and slobber. So I try to play it cool, I hold pavlov leash close and walk on past her, It is at this point that pavlov makes a run for it and this time very nearly does manage to rip my arm from my shoulder socket. she says “awww what a cute puppy” and I reply with a half hearted “yeah…” then continue walking on and luckily with no more distractions…except ofcourse for the two cars that nearly run over the dogs, but those are a given.

So I survived and I am rather happy that I did, the dogs are happy and using each other as pillows so overall a successful endeavour but I’ll shoot myself in the left testicle before I do it again.

So on that note of removing my manhood I must turn to another topic. The romance story I am meant to write. I looked over the entries and barring tristan’s plagarism of Cheesys and I have decided upon a winner…namely the person whose Idea was so good is got plagarised. So Cheesys you won the contest, I will be commencing on the story shortly and when it is finished there will be a signed copy made for you. the first piece of fiction I will have ever signed. Try and organise something with your sister to get it so I can give it to you and pay off my pancake debt at the same time.

Now I need to do that other thing that’s hounding me….School work, wish me luck.