The Pizzeria

I know I have been bad with the updating recently so here is a piece I wrote a short while back for a friend. It’s along the tones of my more lighthearted stuff but I could see myself turning this into a serious novel one day. I hope you enjoy the read. It is probably one of the best edited pieces I have ever put up on the blog.

Gaming is Negatively affecting the youth

It took me a while to realise this, to get over my delusions that games were innocent and that they did not harm us. I spent many nights chanting to myself that blowing the heads off zombies was not making me a different person. All the while I slept with a machete lest the zombies attack. I wonder why it took me so long to realise this horrible truth.

2 Matches & a Cigarette

I Promised you all a new story so long ago and here it is, I hope you all enjoy it and I hope you don’t whine that it’s too long. Now read bitches read.

A Story You wouldn’t want to hear

I wrote this for a friend who is currently feeling a bit blah which is why it is probably the first uplifting fiction I have written in quite a while but don’t you maggots get used to it now. I’m not doing my job writing if my writing isn’t causing someone to break out into tears somewhere…yes tristan that is aimed at you. So read it and feel all warm and fuzzy inside while it lasts because I will be putting something up soon so horribly depressing that Sergei won’t even be able to think up a your mom joke in response.

“But I won’t be able to handle it, not for so long. Can’t you just stay here instead?” She begged of me as I packed the bags. I looked upon her with pity but determination. I had to go and her puppy dog eyes were not going to change that. If only she would realise this then I could speed up the process of packing I thought as she wailed “But why now…I need you now more than ever.” Her whining continued but I remained silent calmly putting clothes back into the bag that she had just thrown out but despite all her efforts, all her high pitched screams he finally finished packing and only an hour late…I was making better time than when I had to leave the house to get milk.

So I gave her a goodbye Kiss, removed her hand from my wrist and left. She ran after the taxi for a short while before collapsing in a heap of tears on the neighbour’s lawn. It’s a good thing I loved her with all my heart because if this is how she reacted to me leaving on a three day business trip then  I’d have hated to be on the receiving end of whatever she would do if I told her I was leaving for good.

And all the while I was driving off to the airport she was lying in a heap on the freshly watered lawn of neighbour’s front yard and that’s where she stayed for at least an hour or so she told me before finally picking herself up and dragging herself back to the house wet, cold and with a runny nose.

She said as soon as she entered the house she could feel my absence and Susan being who she is, this prompted more crying. She claims she cried for 6 hours straight but like anything else in this unconventionally started story do take it all with a pinch of salt.

Truth is much of the next 3 days could be cut short and due to the fact you are talking to a very lazy man…it shall indeed be cut short. So here is the summary of the next three days.

She wept day in and day out about how my absence made the house empty and that there was no soul left and just when she thought she had stopped crying and would go to sleep my absence in the bed would start another bout and again in the morning when she woke up alone.

So when I got home 3 days later I barely had time to put down my suitcase before she jumped in my arms and took me to the bedroom and boy can I say I had one of the greatest evenings of my life…

…and that children, is the story of your conception.

The Man in the White Suit

So long I sat and stared at walls of sorrow, drowning in pools of bloodied sadness. I wondered when pain would end, when suffering would stop. I walked across fields of the unhappy, each wondering when their torment would be gone.

Together we walked, suffering in silence. Day after day, the pain became worse and more unbearable. We slipped into pools of quiet introspection filled with the sorrow of our lives and wondered to ourselves how we had come to this.

Life was like this for a long time, Bitterness seethed within us, until that one day when the man arrived. We called him the man in the white suit despite the fact he always worse khaki shorts with open toe leather sandals. His presence took our attention, for a brief moment some of us even smiled as we the humorous slogan on his shirt. It was the first time a lot of us had smiled in a long time.

He taught us an important lesson that day, as he gathered us around himself. We sat for a long time just staring at him then he said it, one sentence which changed it for all of us. He looked us all in the eyes one at a time then spoke “Be happy, forget all that is worrying you and just be happy.”

Seeing the Light

here is a story I just wrote today, hope you guys enjoy it.

I spent my life being told that everything I did was for god, some supreme being who would honour me one day for all I did for him. I read the word that he had written with the hand of man and followed its principals. I learnt that the word had been written cryptically for our lord was a complex being and explained things in complex ways.
What was certain despite all the confusion and interpretations of the Bible was that Sinners had to be saved and if they would not be saved they must be punished.
I left the place of my birth for the first time when I was 18 years old, a young man capable of doing the hard work the lord had in store for me. I left with nothing but a bible in my hand and communion to hand out to the first village on my journey. I walked a long road on my journey, seeing the wonders of the lord’s creation on my way. I saw flowers of exquisite beauty bloom and turn towards the light for sustenance and energy, I found I could not do the same and took it for a sign, we, our Lord’s greatest creation, had grown incapable of looking into the light for fear of being blinded. We had become unworthy. I became determined to become worthy, to be able to look into the light without being blinded.
Along my Journey I visited many villages. Villagers embraced the good lord, my hand feeding them their first communion, there were some who would not follow his word but they eventually saw the way of the lord and those that didn’t well they would see their just punishment in hell. I gained many followers as I travelled the roads, soon I had over 4 dozen people in my permanent congregation and they helped me to convert the masses and to punish those that would not be converted.
I followed the road the lord lay before me, converting the masses until I arrived here. I did what I always did I started to convert the masses but soon found that many people here already knew of the good lord and thought that there was no work for me to do here. Then I learnt that many here knew of the lord but refused to acknowledge him, worship him. So I did what I always did when I found sinners who would not renounce evil I showed them the punishment that came with such evil. I am certain now that the lord has granted me the rest I need after the long years I have served his purpose, I am now worthy of looking into the light.
“dude that guy is fucked in his head” the inmates said as they walked away from the cell of the young man with blonde locks, they looked back one last time as they made the way to their cells and they were certain that they saw blood on the corner of the bible that was firmly clasped in the hands of the smiling boy.

A word causes as much pain as a knife

I was going to try send this one into a magazine but I haven’t updated in a while so i decided to post here and see what people think of it instead. It is a bit longer than my other post so long but still relatively short.

We are all creatures of emotion, some to greater extent than other. Some learn to control that aspect of themselves while others are governed entirely by their current emotional state. In any case we all learn in one way or another to deal with them.
For Albert Samson he spent his life ignoring his emotions, every insult tucked away into a box, every failed relationship he pretended didn’t affect him and every rejection didn’t faze him. He spent his entire life ignoring his emotions and this is the story of just one of those days.

It started out as a pleasant Sunday morning. Albert woke up early to get breakfast ready for his wife. He sat on the side of his bed and stretched, tired muscles slowly waking up. He made his way to the bathroom his feet dragging along the old musty carpet and stopped in front of the sink, grabbing his toothbrush he put a generous squirt of toothpaste on then as he started to brush his teeth, he then turned on the shower to give the water some time to warm up. He spat into the sink then rinsed out his mouth with a cold cup of water from the tap. Slowly he stripped down, his old muscles making the activity more strenuous than it used to be in his youth. Eventually in the nude he steps into the near scalding shower and starts scrubbing himself down, in every nook and cranny. Satisfied with his handiwork ten minutes later he is out of the shower and dresses himself in his Sunday outfit. Kissing his wife on the cheek, he then makes his way out of the house leaving a note in the foyer telling her he has gone out to get breakfast.

As he made his way down the street, he whistled to himself a pleasant tune he’d heard many years ago. Waving to neighbours as he passed the houses he reminisced on his life as he always did on Sundays, seeing only the good that had happened to him all his time on earth. If there was something people could say about Samson is he didn’t hold a grudge, heck he probably wouldn’t hold you accountable for what you said mere moments ago, people liked that in mister Samson, they didn’t feel like the horrible people they thought they were when they were around him.

So Mister Albert Samson walked down the street looking at the fine marks in the pavement, signs of age and use. Similar marks riddled his face, creases, wrinkles and liver spots signs of a long life. He looked up from the pavement to see he had made it to the village corner store. He greeted the boy at the till, suddenly thinking of his own children and just for the briefest of moments wondering why he hadn’t heard from them in so long. He made his way to the back of the store where a small bakery resided and asked for 2 croissants, thanking the baker as he took the small brown packet proffered to him. He stopped at the fridges and grabbed a bottle of milk, remembering for a moment his short stint as a milkman and the abrupt termination of his job, for a reason he had forgotten.

He laid the items down on the till, pulling out his wallet as the till boy scanned his items. He pays in cash, 25 rand for 2 croissants and a bottle of milk. He looks back fondly on the days when you could buy the same items for only 2 rand. He takes the plastic bag offered to him and he leaves the store, taking the same route back home, admiring the houses on his street and imagining what those still being built will look like.
He was soon in front of his house again, the house he had lived in for over 25 years and spent nearly half of that time paying off. He remembered how the bank had given him the worst possible interest rate on his loan and how each time he thought he was nearly done paying it off, the interest was calculated and added to the amount owed.

He opened the door to his house entering quickly and closing the door behind him so as to not let any of the warmth out of the house. He noticed the note had been read and thrown in the small waste basket in the foyer, so he made his way to the kitchen where his wife would be undoubtedly getting the table ready for breakfast. He made sure to take off his shoes first and to put on some slippers. As he reached his wife in the kitchen, he kisses her lightly on the cheek, jolting her slightly. She turned around immediately a look of irritation plastered on her face, she put down the knife she had been using to cut fruit and gave her husband a look of annoyance “I told you that I wanted to go get Breakfast this morning, you were meant to wake me up if you got up before me. Can you do nothing right you lumbering oaf” she spat this out in a high pitched squeak and Albert looked on in disbelief at his wife, surprising considering she did this practically every Sunday. It was at this moment that 65 year of oppressed abuse from everyone in his life came back.

Albert was found that afternoon sitting in his kitchen covered in blood and crying. Pieces of his wife were removed from the garbage disposal system and the rest had been hacked up and thrown in the bin.

The Greatest Adventure

I have made a promise I must fulfil for the sake of my honour. I will once more don the cape of the adventurer and head out into the world one last time to retrieve a treasure so wholesome, so wonderful, it requires one of a special breed to fetch it. I do this for my friend and companion who has me make this promise on her indefinite resting place, for her I must fetch the only treasure that may bring her back from the coma that now haunts her.

February 14 2008 (Expedition day)

Today I set out on my final adventure, whether I return or not will truly determine how much I love my sweetheart. I equip my utility belt with all the tools needed for my mission, torch, pocket knife, rope and of course, most importantly, my currency holder.

As I strap on my utility belt, I grab my car keys and my cape, so that other adventurers may recognize me and aid me on my quest. As I enter my car I face my first challenge on my journey to my prize, I’m nearly out of petrol. I will have to make a side journey to the Gasoline traders before continuing on my quest.

I arrive at one of the gasoline trader camps, these are from the Engen tribe, a generally reliable bunch they sometime try to take your change. I will have to keep my eyes out for this. Once my tank is filled up I give my trader an offering of goodwill then continue on my way.

The Problem with my quest at this point is that the gold I seek is the rarest of all its forms and this is why my journey is so tricky, I will therefore head to the likeliest of locations, the emporium of all treasures. My journey takes me to the Wholesale traders who like to collectively call themselves Macro, an appropriate name considering the size of their establishment. I run through the aisles becoming lost several times until I see my treasure in the distance-the ever elusive TUC. I retrieve my treasure quickly, removing the last of the money in my coin purse to do so.

My journey is now nearly over and I head back to my fortress where I administer the crunchy goodness unto my love so that she may awake. After she awakes we properly break our fast for the day and I put up my cape for I am an adventurer no more, but who knows these things for sure because we are nearly out of cereal?